That's completely normal. You might've noticed most trans people are T4T primarily, and that's the reason why. I personally don't think I could ever be understood by someone cis, at least not for now. Maybe after having SRS and VFS and stuff I could be comfortable. Not that I'm interested, I'm extremely happy with my current partner. Replying to your "not enough" part: As I mentioned in other confessions, this is impostor syndrome, and it's hard to get out of that loop. The reality is: There's not "more" trans and "less" trans in the way you're describing, even though there definitely are differences between trans people and their lived experiences. You'll get better. I'm sure you will. Some day, you will feel at peace with your body. Some day, you will feel at peace with your name. Some day, you will feel at peace with yourself. You'll turn into what you desire, but slowlly -- like a drop of water slowly carves a rock into a smooth shape. Don't lose your goal. Don't forget who you want to be. Don't leave that to your future you. Good luck. I'll be praying for you.