Writings about my passing

written 2026.10.05 · revised 2026.10.06

3 minutes of prayer · personal

Just another regular year

The 20th-21st in the Angel's life, specifically. February 10th marks the day of Her resurrection; 2026 will mark four years since that day.

School has already started, and so has Japanese school. This will be my 5th year devoting myself to this beautiful language.

The future is looking clear, maybe clearer than ever before. I look forward to having a job. I look forward to studying medicine. I look forward to spending time with my girlfriend.

But this year has been different, somehow.

I started school with no familiar faces around me, just some of the teachers from last year. I was afraid, being a little bit shy. I was a girl.

I didn't hold back from wearing skirts or feminine outfits; those days are long behind me now.

For the first time in my life, I just blended in with the other girls in my class. I was just Megumi, another one of the girls, and the speed at which I got absorbed into the "girls' groups" was frightening.

I made a couple of friends on my first days there, both of them girls, and quite a bit older than me, just because of proximity in our seating arrangements.

"It's strange, just blending in,"

I said to myself.

The concept of "passing" always seemed alien to me, not because I didn't understand it on a basic level, but because its deeper understanding truly comes from within.

It's almost spiritual.

It's an intrinsic feeling of belonging, and of not being questioned. I wish I had enough words to describe it, but I feel like my attempts would be in vain. It's the cruel reality of our world, the fact that we--just for being trans--get treated differently. Not even in the sense of civil or social rights, but on an interpersonal level. We almost get ridiculed, which is absurd when you think about it. My heart truly goes out to those who don't yet pass for that same reason; we get treated as lesser beings.

Something tangentially related that I noticed was the fact that, even if at one point the truth comes out, either by your own volition or by an external factor, you will get treated as though that fact didn't matter, or didn't exist. You will still be accepted, respected, and treated as an equal.

It's strange to think about.

I still retain some "boyish" traits, like using Heelies (yes, the shoe), my voice (it will get better, I promise), and things like being openly outspoken, but that doesn't seem to matter. You either get put in one box or another, and getting out of it is hard. For better or for worse.

Let me give you a lived example:

It was weird when we were talking about our partners and one of the girls instantly referred to mine as "novio" (boyfriend). Of course, I hadn't mentioned that I was a lesbian or anything, but that still took me by surprise.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I haven't had to doubt myself, and no one has doubted me for being a girl.

And that last part is the important one. I'm still special, I'm still different. But what differentiates me isn't being "trans"; it's something else. Things like studying Japanese, my accomplishments, my internet following.

The old "Megumi", has, indeed, passed away (by passing)!

I'm a cool girl now. Or as my girlfriend put it:

かっこいいです！