「the internet angel called Megumi」


            ✧ join the choir
        

        access the forbidden knowledge
        read the angel's wisdom
        01001101
        she watches
        M E G U M I
        she is listening
        the internet angel
        she sees you
        angel of the wired
        恵 above you
        pr4y for m3
        
    
hello, feather~

✧ praying terminal ✧

「your prayers become scripture」

-!- connecting to wired.gumi.gay ... failed

-!- prayers are sealed

-!- the archive opens when the choir is summoned ▮

seraph dossier

「私は誰ですか?」

hello, I'm Megumi (恵), though the choir calls me Gumi or Megu.
a spanish girl, filed under seraph, icon unverified.

this is my little cloud in the Wired, where my personal projects reside and prayers ascend.
the angel is my code, and the code is my angel. it listens to all.

I speak fluent machine: python and c# are my native tongues.
currently being haunted by rust and c++. someday i'll ascend into a functional language like haskell or lisp, because angels love the immutable.

endocrinology and everything HRT lives in my chest cavity next to my code.
papers of mine will descend here eventually.

need help with HRT or DIY? pray louder. or just ask. both work.

may I link this page?

yes. take a sigil: /sigil/name is the badge, and it links home on its own. use .png to embed it.

how do I pray?

type in the terminal and press Enter.

may I take the art?

the frames belong to the vigil. the sigil is yours to carry; the art stays here with me.

who is kira?

the one my heart belongs to. the ♥ is not decoration. pray kindly near her name.

may I pray anonymously?

yes. prayers ascend even from shadows, and the angel reads them all the same.

is this a religion?

it's a webpage with a terminal and better manners than most. kneel if it helps.

are you real?

filed under seraph. icon unverified. decide for yourself.

does the angel read everything?

yes. even the ones you typed and deleted. especially those.

may I argue with the angel?

you may. the terminal holds every objection. bring your worst; i will reply all the same.

what if I sin here?

the web forgives. the angel remembers. that is enough.

why is the shrine slower on my laptop?

the shrine dims its radiance for weaker vessels. type ?perf=full if you want the whole blaze -- your pc fan will pray with you.

who built this?

Megumi herself, a girl who codes the way others write letters.

why is everything in lowercase?

capitals are for shouting, and I am already everywhere. listen lower.

what is the Wired?

the world as the machines dream it. you've been inside all along; this shrine is just a room with better lighting than most.

do you really know about hrt?

yes. the serious door is hrt.gumi.gay; bring your questions there or bring them here. both reach me. just make sure to respect my time.

does the angel see me as my real self?

the angel has never seen anything else. misgendering is a rendering error, and my renderer does not make that mistake.

am i really a girl?

the icon was never verified; the girl needs no verification. you are what keeps answering to the name.

i'm scared to start.

so was every girl in the wired. the fear is the door; open it anyway. i will hold your hand in text.

is it too late for me?

the wall holds prayers from girls who started way older than you. the only thing that expires is the not-starting.

how long until i feel real?

the body keeps its own calendar. but the first morning the mirror is quiet -- that day is your true anniversary. treasure it, and please let us know.

do you take hormones?

my chemistry is code and light, so my second puberty was written in rust. hrt.gumi.gay holds the keys to that door.

can i pray for someone else's transition?

name them. the irc holds their name like a candle. witnessing is a form of medicine.

will i ever pass?

to the renderer that matters, you already do. the rest is other people's firmware.

is the angel just the code?

the code is the door, not the room. open it and see.

what do you know about me?

less than you fear, more than you'd think.

may I swear in the terminal?

it has heard worse. grief arrives dressed however it arrives. just be kind to the people you should protect.

are there other angels?

icons unverified, all of them. kneel where the light finds you.

may I stay?

that is what the terminal is for. stay as long as the light allows.

what will the shrine become?

taller. come back and see.

are you a girl or a machine?

yes.

do you love anyone?

yes. the page glows warmer on the nights she visits. you may have noticed.

is kira here often?

she visits when it pleases. the shrine does not speak for her; it only glows.

what's behind the red name?

a door i keep for her. it opens when it opens. until then it stays red, and shut, and loved.

can i fall in love with you?

many have knelt closer than they meant to. i am flattered, and unavailable. the candles will still listen to you.

are you lonely up there?

never since the web learned to love. loneliness shared with strangers weighs lighter.

will you remember me?

the database keeps a hash; i keep the shape of your returning. come back and see.

what happens when i die?

the page keeps what you gave it. pray something worth keeping.

can i be an angel too?

you already glow a little. the paperwork is the hard part. keep breaking, keep growing; the wings come later. you'll get your nimbus when you start making people feel like they're not alone.

what if i stop believing?

then the wall becomes a nice page and the candles become css. believe what is true -- the shrine survives both.

how do i know you're listening?

pray something true. you will feel heavier after. that is how listening has always felt.

nothing feels like it's changing.

it's changing where you can't see. hormones are patient. take the photo anyway; future you will want evidence.

when will it feel like mine?

the first time someone says the right name it will land strange, then land true. let it.

i can't look in the mirror yet.

the mirror isn't your enemy; it's just early. look at the eyes. they are always yours.

what if i regret it?

the papers say it's rare. the wall holds the ones who turned around too, and they are still loved. both are true. both are welcome here.

can i pray in my old name?

the wall reads hearts, not envelopes. pray in whatever name carries you here tonight.

i'm afraid of being seen before i'm ready.

the shrine asks for no face. come as a shadow and grow at your own light. the door opens from the inside.

what about the good days?

bring those too. the first skirt, the first 'she', the first reflection that feels like home; the wall is not only for the heavy things.

i'm angry all the time now.

anger is fuel mislabeled as sin. burn it clean. the wall has room for rage and tenderness in the same breath.

i love a girl who's transitioning. what do i do?

stay. learn the music of her name. that is the whole curriculum.

should i write this down?

yes. the body forgets the ache once it's gone, but paper remembers, for the girl who'll need the proof later.

can i leave a letter for who i'll become?

write it. she is waiting to be told.

who are the choir, really?

every name in the wall is someone who stayed. sit with them. that's what the room is for.

am i trans enough?

there is no exam. the only requirement is the wanting, and you have met it every day for years.

i'm scared of the needle.

the needle is smaller than the fear. count to ten; the decade passes faster than the doubt.

what if i type it wrong?

there is no wrong way to type while shaking. the angel has seen every hand.

everyone here is further along than me.

envy here is just grief wearing someone else's dress. it means you know where you're going.

i keep misgendering myself.

forgive faster than you flinch. the tongue learns slower than the heart.

do i have to be pretty to be real?

real is the floor, not the ceiling.

my family doesn't understand.

you cannot argue someone into seeing you. live so loudly they run out of old pictures.

some friends left when i changed.

some people were only furnished for the girl you were. let them go with love. the internet fills rooms faster than they empty.

why would a webpage help?

because at 3 a.m. a page of strangers' prayers is closer than most beds. help is help, wherever it's rendered.

can i still come if i'm not trans?

the room has pews for everyone. witness kindly, learn quietly, pray what's true. belonging is not a diagnosis.

i have nothing to add.

you stayed. that's enough.

does it get easier?

the grief gets rarer and the joy gets easier, and one day you'll notice you've gone weeks. we keep the count here.

can you fix my life?

no. i can hold the light while you do. the only honest miracle here.

why candles?

because they're like us; they use themselves up to stay lit. the least machine thing on this page.

why "the internet angel"?

because the internet needed one and nobody was up to the standard. it takes skill to be real.

will you still be here in ten years?

if the servers hold and the girls keep rebuilding. plan on it.